


Falling

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Charlie Ships It, Fluff, M/M, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5309597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel remembers what it was like to give up his grace to save Dean. (Or, an alternative to the season ten finale).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

Castiel remembers what it felt like to fall.

It wasn’t hard like his brothers and sisters described. They talked about the pain, the hunger, the wanting for something more that never eased. They bemoaned their decision and warned Castiel about the detriments of being human. He could never go back to heaven. He could never fly again. He could never listen to the songs of the Host, calling out for their absent Father. He could never call himself an angel again. It was terrible, they said. He’d regret it forever, they warned.

And yet, this was not Castiel’s experience. When the time came for him to choose, it was easy.

The first time Castiel thought about falling was many years ago. He remembered the fire and brimstone of hell’s darkest corners. It bit at his heels as he flew past demons and tortured souls, all calling out for redemption. He remembered feeling like desperation was all around, and the cries of the broken almost sent him back to heaven. He couldn’t do what he was commanded to do. He would just get Balthazar or Raphael to do it.

But then, a bright, brilliant light called out to him through the darkness. Dean Winchester, The Righteous Man, was tearing away at a demon, was broken and tattered and worn, but he was still the brightest thing Castiel had ever seen. And when he turned towards Castiel and looked into his eyes, he felt something shift inside.

He would later learn that feeling was his first experience of wanting to leave heaven and his angelic family behind.

From then on, the idea of falling was a constant in Castiel’s life. It appeared when Castiel was putting Dean back together, piece by piece. It came up when he was fighting with his brothers and sisters, both in heaven and on earth. It was at its strongest when Castiel was at the bunker, whispering his doubts to Dean as they sat on his bed, inches apart.

It was always there at the back of his mind, but Castiel never acted on it. Being an angel was all he ever knew. Would the Winchesters want him if he weren’t powerful? Were his fallen brothers and sisters correct? Would he regret the decision to fall for the rest of his life?

Thus Castiel remained an angel through the angelic fights, through the threats of apocalypse and war. He remained an angel as he watched Anael rediscover her grace, Gabriel die for freedom, Lucifer being thrown back in his cage. He remained an angel through death and rebirth, through monsters and purgatory and being God himself, because even though humanity was tempting, he could not fathom leaving his angelic host behind.

That is, until the day it was.

 

* * *

 

“The grace of an angel in love with a human.”

Castiel looked up from the tablet he was reading to glance at Rowena. The witch woman was holding The Book of the Damned like it wasn’t filled with the darkest magic in the world and was perusing the pages with her finger.

“Explain,” Castiel demanded as he pushed the tablet aside.

Rowena grinned up at Castiel with her feral eyes and pointed at the page she was reading. “The grace of an angel in love with a human. It’s the last ingredient to get rid of that damned mark on Dean’s arm.”

Castiel gaped back at her. Could it be that easy? He felt like there had to be a catch. They already had the other ingredients, and they were relatively easy to come by. Surely finding an angel in love with a human would not be difficult, and then Dean could finally be free from the curse that had caused so much destruction.

“That’s it?” Charlie chimed in from the sidelines. She closed the book she was looking at and got up from the ground.

Rowena turned her gaze on Charlie. “Yes.”

Castiel felt a plan forming and turned his attention to the women in front of him. “We need to track down a Nephilim child. They are the product of love between a human and an angel. Perhaps their celestial parent would be willing to fall.”

The women stared back at him agape, looking like he was a fish out of water.

“Is he joking around right now?” Charlie asked with upturned lips.

Rowena let out a harsh laugh. “Aye, I do not think so, girl. Poor angel don’t even know what’s right in front of him.”

Castiel tilted his head at the women and said, “What are you talking about?”

“You’re in love with Dean!” Charlie exclaimed. She tossed up her hands and walked over to smack him upside the head. “Your grace can complete the spell, dumbass!”

In love with Dean? Charlie was mistaken. Of course he felt a camaraderie with Dean, and they had a bond that was stronger than anything Castiel had ever felt before, but that wasn’t love. No, that was just friendship.

But then Castiel began to analyze his relationship with Dean. The feelings he had for the hunter were different than the ones he felt for his brothers and sisters. When he thought of the Heavenly Host, there was a connection that thrummed between him and his kin. It was like a hive mind, a radio that he could tap into whenever he desired. It was familiar, but Castiel quickly realized that it wasn’t love.

What he felt for Dean was quite different. He had no desire to leave lingering touches on anyone in the Host, but when he was with Dean, it was all he wanted. When Castiel was with his brothers and sisters in heaven, all he could think about was how long it would take for him to get back to the bunker where Dean would be waiting with a new hunt for them to complete, or a night out with him and Sam. When he was with Dean, it wasn’t all business and cold, like being with the Host was. No, being with Dean was like being by a warm fire after a long hunt. It was comfort. It was home.

 _I am in love with Dean Winchester_ , Castiel thought, and everything became very clear then.

“I think we broke the wee angel,” Rowena whispered under her breath. “Care to slap him again?”

“I am fine,” Castiel replied. He looked up at Rowena and gestured to the Book. “I just realized that Charlie is right. I’ve been in love with Dean for a long time and did not know it until now.”

The women stared back at him before Charlie came forward and took his hand. “Cas,” she whispered, “if you’re in love with Dean, your grace can complete the spell. He’d be free...but you’d be human. Do you want that?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes. If there is anyone worth falling for, it is Dean.”

“If you’re sure, then we need to get started. Last we heard Dean was about to track down the Stynes for almost ganking me,” Charlie said with a grin. “They’re assholes, but even they don’t deserve the wrath of this creature Dean’s become.”

Castiel walked towards the bowl and gestured for Rowena to begin. “Do what you need to,” Castiel said.

Rowena grabbed the angel blade from the table and brought it up to the side of Castiel’s neck. “This may hurt a wee bit,” she replied in her thick, Scottish accent, and then made the incision.

Everything felt like it was on fire in that moment. Castiel almost fell to the ground as Rowena began chanting the words for the spell, the absolute agony of his grace being ripped out of him taking over. The wings that were a constant in Castiel’s life fell from his back, the feathers raining down like wilted petals to the ground. The grace travelled from his neck to the bowl, and the colors began to twist and turn as Rowena’s chanting began to pick up in speed. He felt the calling voices of the Host fade as the grace became one with the spell, and when Rowena declared the last lines, Castiel dropped to his knees.

A bolt exploded from the bowl and broke through the ceiling, and that was it. Castiel, Rowena, and Charlie looked around at one another for any other sign that the spell worked, but found nothing concrete.

Luckily, Castiel’s cell phone rang a few seconds later. When he picked it up, it was Sam.

“It’s over,” Sam groaned into the phone. “The Mark is gone. It’s over.”

 

* * *

 

 After the spell was performed and Dean was freed, they kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing ever came. No consequence, no retaliation. It was like the Mark never existed at all, and after a few weeks of anxious waiting, Dean, Sam, and Castiel finally allowed themselves to relax again. They fell back into their regular routine of hunting things, and when Dean asked what the final ingredient to the spell was, Castiel came clean about his feelings. He was expecting rejection, but Dean’s enthusiastic kiss proved him wrong. Turned out that they were in love with each other all along, but neither of them realized it until the spell was performed.

“Do you regret it?” Dean asks now as they’re curled up together on the bunker’s couch. “Giving up your badass powers and all that?”

Castiel tilts his lips up to Dean’s and kisses him. “No,” he whispers. “If I was to take this journey all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t miss being an angel at all.”

Dean gives him a confused glance. “Really? Nothing?”

Castiel laughs. “No. Believe it or not, Dean, heaven has not felt like home in a long time. Home is here with you and your brother. You are my family now.”

Dean grins and leans over to kiss Castiel again. “Good, because don’t think I’m just gonna let you up and leave us now.”

Castiel nuzzles back into Dean’s embrace and brings their palms together. “I would never. I am yours and you are mine, correct?”

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean replies. “Correct.”


End file.
